Me: I cannot believe we weren’t invited to any picnics.
S: Well, you don’t like being around people. The last picnic we were invited to, you didn’t want to go.
Me: But I went anyway.
S: But you threw a tantrum on the way.
Me: Yes, but I did go. Besides, it’s only a tantrum if one is 4 years old. If one is 30, it’s a protest.
S: Whatever. [under her breath] Tantrum.
Me: Seriously, someone should have invited us over for a hot dog and some potato salad. What’s so damned difficult about that?
S: Um, you have to hang out with people generally so that they will then invite you over for specific events.
Me: Picnics don’t count. I would agree that if I were to be invited over for a dinner party, I should probably be regularly hanging out with the inviters. You know, since they have to prepare a meal and host me for an evening around their dining room table. More talking involved there which would be eased if we were more familiar. But a picnic? Seriously, they are the perfect events for inviting people you don’t usually hang out with. Some hot dogs, some potato salad, a little chit-chat. That’s easy. And there would be more people around to spread the chit-chat.
S: I could start making more friends at work… Then we might get invited to parties.
Me: Not parties. Picnics. Hot dogs and potato salad. Maybe chicken. And pasta salad. Perhaps a Texas Sheet Cake for dessert. Anyway, you already have friends from work and not one of them invited us to a picnic for today. Screw ’em.
S: We could have thrown a picnic and invited people over for hot dogs and potato salad…
Me: We are currently grill-less. And besides, us throwing a picnic is not the point. I want a hot dog and some potato salad and someone should have invited us over for a picnic.
Later on, I was still fixated…
Me: I want picnic food.
S: We can go get some. We can get some chicken at KFC and then go to the grocery store for some potato and pasta salads…
Me: To much work. I don’t want to have to drive around to collect my picnic foods. Somebody should have invited us over for a picnic.
S: Let it go, Dude, let it go. Do you want to go get something to eat?
Me: There should be a store… You know, called The Pic-Nic store, where they have the chicken, hot dogs, potato and pasta salads and maybe some lunch meats all in one place. You know, for people like us.
S: You mean, a deli?
Me: Um, no. The Pic-Nic Store. It’s totally different.
S: Right… So, what do you want for dinner?
Me: Pizza.
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