My greatest fear…

Reading this little item from the Pro-Football Talk page called the Rumor Mill sent chills down my spine.  Allegedly a Seattle Seahawks fan, who happened to be a restaurant employee, got into an argument with a Pittsburgh Steelers fan and later spit phlegm onto the Steeler fan’s food.  That is my greatest fear when going out to eat here in my neck of the woods.

I live in Cleveland Browns country.  Which is bad enough.  But S’s parents always buy me Steelers gear, which I love, but it is clothing that is not appreciated around here.  My only two winter weather coats are Steelers gear.  Last week when I had to go buy a new tire for the car, three employees of the store looked at my coat and said, “Yeah, we can’t sell a tire to a Steelers fan.”  To which I replied, “Oh well, I’ll just have to drive around on my Five Lombardi Trophies then.”  That’s my standard line, with changes for the situation like “I’ll just have to comfort myself with Five Lombardi Trophies,” or “That’s okay, I can just eat my Five Lombardi Trophies.” But I always worry that some idiot Browns fan is going to spit in my food.  Or worse.

Last fall I bought a Steelers license plate holder for the car.  My mother told me not to put it on the car, but I thought she was being silly.  Within two days of having the thing on the car I was pulled over for running a red light.  Here’s the thing, I am the world’s most cautious driver.  I stop dead at yellow lights.  I come to complete stops at Stop signs in the middle of the night when nobody is even looking.  I do not run red lights.  I hadn’t had a ticket or gotten into so much as a fender bender in over ten years.*  But I got a ticket that night.  And the officer pointed out that he had a difficult time seeing my plate stickers because that “thing” was covering them up.  He told me I had to remove it as soon as I got home.  My $5 Steelers license plate holder ended up costing me $150.

*I usually say knock on wood after a sentence like that.


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